I am the storm. My emotions create the tempest within me, as powerful as if Poseidon had been wielding his magic trident.
It has been said that my destiny is written in the dust and water of the stars. Even if that were true, why should it be something remarkable? After all, it’s just dust and water. It’s the same matter which makes up the most beautiful blue ornament in the universe – our earth- and it’s the very same dust which lies unwanted in every corner. Maybe the answer is in the fact that people always covet what they can’t have, that which they perceive with awe. Like the stars. But that’s not me…
For most people, it is the unattainable which is most worth dreaming about. For me that’s simply a waste of time. Because everything in my world works like a finely tuned machine, with well-coordinated cogs, operating solely on logic, the one and only thing that has never let me down.
I am what I feel but who am I really? How did I end up here? Who will I become?The unknown has always scared me and for God’s sake, do not dare utter your fears, not even to yourself, because they will hunt you down, and destroy you. That’s what happened to me. My life was suddenly ruled by the unknown and my finely tuned machine was torn to pieces, its cogs and bolts strewn to the sky, amongst the stars.
I stand on the edge of the cliff as the storm rises. I look to the sky and my synastry is sealed. Lightning rips through the dark night, one, two, three , as the sky contracts. The storm is coming and I must follow my destiny. Lightning, one, two, the sky contracts again. Or maybe I should not? One. I am the storm…
The event of the year
I let go of the railing and turn away from the sheer drop of the cliff. I slip Aris’ letter into the back of my dress, concealing it in the fabric beneath my exposed skin. There’s a map in the letter which leads to an energy portal located at the private beach below Orestis’ house. The portal will transport me directly to Athens. I don’t know what to do but one thing I do know is that happiness is not born from awe and it is not found in titles, money or power. Happiness comes from a different set of much more basic values, values which have true power, such as love, respect and understanding.
I make my way towards the dance floor. As I walk, people I’ve never met squeeze my hand with obvious enthusiasm and some even tell me I’m a born queen. I keep on smiling to hide my misery. A live band is playing atmospheric jazz music and a man behind a rectangular shaped bar is energetically shaking up a cocktail. I take a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and down it in one go. Slamming the empty glass back onto the tray, I take another. When I’m finished with this one I will have had five glasses already and to think that I don’t have much of a head for alcohol! I look up to admire the decorations. They are absolutely stunning. It’s such a shame that all this beauty is wasted in such fakery. As if hovering above the dance floor hang hundreds of little flowers which have been dipped in gold, creating a scene exactly like the illuminated forest outside the theatre at the volcano, where all those orchids had been hung from the trees. Only here they are hanging from gold wire which runs the length of the bar and dance floor. They light up the entire space with their warm glow. I wish they could light up my cold and broken heart too. As I drain my glass of champagne, I catch sight of my friends in the crowd and my spirits are momentarily lifted. I hurry over to them and, grabbing Christina first, I hug her so tightly that she pretends to suffocate. I then hug each one of them in turn.
“I’ve missed you all so much,” I say, emotionally, afraid that I may break down in front of them. Christina pulls me aside for a moment, away from the others. “Are you ok?” she asks, a worried look on her face.
“In general, yes, but not really! Please tell me about Aris? Have you seen him?” I say and I can hear the desperation in my voice.
“There’s not much to tell. He said he doesn’t want to see any of us because we remind him of you.” I feel a lump forming in my throat. They have no idea he’s gone.
“Orestis!” I hear Alexandra exclaim behind me and my blood freezes. How long has he been standing there without me realizing? I turn around in trepidation only to find him smiling at me with all the love in the world. It’s just part of the game, I remind myself.
“Congratulations,” they all say in turn, with forced smiles, shaking him by the hand, except for Christina who gives him a hug and kisses him on both cheeks.
“Thank you,” he says, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me close. “You won’t mind if I borrow her for a while? The rest of our table is already seated,” he adds, politely.
“Of course not, Orestis! Do you even have to ask?” Christina replies.
“Do you know where you are seated?” he continues in the same polite tone, his arm still tight round my waist. When my friends all nod in reply he turns back to me. “Shall we, sweetheart?” I raise a brow at his unexpected endearment.
“See you later,” I call over my shoulder to the gang and as soon as we’re out of earshot I turn to him. “‘Sweetheart’…?” I say the word as a question. He stops and pulls me into his arms.
“Yes. Do you mind?” he says, giving me a lopsided smile, squeezing my waist and pulling me closer still. Over his shoulder I can see people elbowing each other and smiling at us. We must look like quite the adorable couple. My heart lurches at the sick situation I’ve gotten myself into and I pass my tongue nervously over my lips, trying to come up with something to say, anything, at all anything to stop him as he leans in to kiss me but, just before his lips land on mine, I jerk my head to the side and he gets my cheek instead. My breathing is short and shallow and as soon as he lets me out of his embrace I lurch away unsteadily. He catches me up, forcing his hand into mine.
“Dorothy, talk to me ”
“Why can’t you understand? This – all of this – is an absolute charade. I told you, your experiment is over, ” I explain, as calmly as possible.
“Charade or not this is our night. How many times do you want me to apologize for what happened? You have to stop being angry with me and finally accept that what I want is for you to be happy, for us to be happy. Look, I’ve got something for you,” he says. Is he ever going to stop this role-playing? Doesn’t he understand how soul-destroying all of this is? He takes a half orchid out of his pocket.
“What is that?” I ask, looking from him to the flower.
“I got it from your mother. Look, it’s your half…” he says, unpinning his own flower from the lapel of his jacket. He looks me in the eyes as he joins the two halves together. “They are a perfect match. I wanted you to see that” he says, pinning the complete flower into my hair.
“You are my other half, Dorothy, and I am yours!”
I am trying to hold back the tears. Why is he doing this to me? Isn’t it enough that I’m forcing a smile?
“You’re a sham, Orestis! I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth, anymore! I told you, your experiment is over,” I say icily but there’s an ache, deep inside me and I’m wondering if this pain is ever going to go away. The sky contracts again, the storm gets a little closer. I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to contain it. I seat myself quickly at the table, staring down at my plate. I can hear both sets of parents exclaiming happily. There’s my mother, in her 50s style gown, a feather decorating her up-do, chatting with my mother-in-law, who’s wearing a chic clinging dress covered in what I hope are not real diamonds. Orestis sits down beside me and I can feel his eyes on me but I keep on staring down at my plate. A waiter comes round, serving the hors d’oeuvre of sushi with piles of caviar atop each little roll. I scrunch my face up in disgust at the sight of it but I don’t look up. I’d rather force myself to eat it than have to engage with anyone here. Where the hell are the forks and knives, anyway? The only cutlery I can find is a set of gold chopsticks. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Orestis’ father, on my right, and try to mimic the way he is holding the sticks. It turns out to be way too difficult and so I abandon my efforts and decide that there is absolutely no reason for me to try this hard, anyway. I drop the chopsticks noisily at the side of my plate and then Orestis’ hand appears in my limited line of vision. He picks up my chopsticks, and in a seemingly effortless motion, lifts a morsel from my plate. I look up at him as he remains with the chopsticks poised before me, waiting to feed me.
Looking nervously around me I notice that everyone has stopped what they are doing and are waiting expectantly. What are you looking at? I want to scream at them but, instead, I open my mouth and he slips the little roll between my lips. I start to chew, cautiously at first, but as the flavors roll across my tongue I realize that it’s really not that disgusting after all. I steal a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s smiling again! Has he not registered anything of what I’ve said to him? Is he just incredibly thick-skinned or does he really not care at all about how I feel? The next dish is served, knives and forks along with it. The dishes come and go and I concentrate on each one as if my life depended on it, focusing upon the methodical progression of the courses in order to keep the storm at bay. Lobster soup. White truffle risotto. My wine glass is being filled. The sky is momentarily illuminated. Mint sorbet with gold leaves. Fresh swordfish filet. The atmosphere is charged with electrified particles. Veal filet with foie gras and red wine sauce. The music is carried on a breeze which lifts the loose tendrils of my hair and promises rain. It won’t be long now. It’s as if my mind has stopped and everything is in a strange state of limbo as I watch this scene unfold, from outside my body. The only thing I can think about is Aris’ letter, tucked into the back of my dress, burning my skin. The final course has been served. Before me, the dessert of dark chocolate mousse with crumbled biscuit, remains untouched…
Orestis suddenly gets up and the commotion drags me back to some sort of state of reality. He offers me his hand, obviously expecting me to follow him somewhere. Reluctantly I take it and allow him to steer me between the tables towards the dance floor. We stop beneath the cloud of little gold orchid lights and he lets go of my hand to make his way up onto the wooden stage where the band had been playing before. The smile on his face appears so genuine that I’m seriously beginning to wonder about his psychological state. He grabs the microphone and bows to the crowd who cheer and clap loudly. I clap along with them and try to smile but the more time passes, the harder I’m finding it.
“I would like to thank all of you for being here tonight to honor me and my beautiful fiancée on one of the most important occasions of our lives.” I force a wide smile, as if someone had plugged me into the mains, as Orestis extends his hand towards me. I feel like my heart’s going to burst as the crowd whoops and cheers even more.
“As you all know, this lovely girl, who is my wife-to-be, hasn’t been on our island very long. Most of you probably didn’t even know about her before that article appeared in the paper. I was one of the lucky ones who got to meet her first. She literally stumbled into my life and I fell under her spell immediately,” he pauses for a moment to look at me as I stand there, rigidly. He suddenly becomes really serious and in his eyes is a look of overwhelming love.
“You captivated my soul, and my heart, from that very first moment when you struck me down with those eyes of yours which hold more passion and energy than I have ever seen.”I imperceptibly shake my head from side to side, begging him to stop, as my eyes fill with tears. I’m having difficulty breathing as he stands there with that smile on his face that must be the result of hours of practicing in front of the mirror.
A loud boom rocks the sky and, though he looks momentarily surprised, he keeps on smiling with such sickening confidence as he looks around the tables. “I haven’t even managed to dedicate a single song to her yet so I thought tonight would be the perfect opportunity,” he now says. My breath is still caught in my throat as I watch him make his way over to the piano. I close my eyes, hoping it will help me breathe again. He sits down at the piano, proud as a peacock, and the sky is illuminated once more. This time, though, it’s nothing to do with me. Fireworks of all shapes and colors explode into the overcast sky the moment he starts to play the first notes. Instead of enjoying the music and the incredible display, I find myself becoming more and more upset. Each cord from the piano grates in my chest and, even though the song is soft and romantic, the irony of it all makes me want to run over to him and hit him – really hard. How is it possible that he can be so openly manipulative with his own emotions? Not to mention mine! That smile of his and the pretending look of love in his eyes and all the crap that comes out of his mouth makes me sick. Everything is just one big lie, after all. A HUGE, UGLY LIE! And I’m just sitting here, doing nothing, allowing Orestis to turn my life into some sort of theatre performance. I can’t contain it anymore. I won’t contain it! I’m not a fucking inanimate object.
I cover my ears with my hands to try and block out the repulsive music from the piano. I shut my eyes tight. A strong wind has picked up. Suddenly my voice is screaming from my lungs and I dig my nails into my ears. My cry is drowned out by a thick bolt of lightening which cracks the sky, hitting one of the floodlights and spreading panic amongst the guests. The storm is here and it’s so liberating. My face is bathed in successive short burst of light as I tilt my head to the sky. Fireworks and lighting together, I have never seen the sky so bright. The rain drenches me and I revel in it as it means that the beast has finally risen from within. Nobody can stop me now. Another bolt of lightning has the guests on their feet, running for cover. The piano has stopped. Orestis is no longer seated before it. I see him coming towards me and I raise my palm to stop his advance, a wave of air building behind me, launches forward at a dangerously accelerating speed. The wall of air throws him to the ground, but his eyes remain locked on mine, as the rain pelts down mercilessly upon us. I turn my back on him and flee, lifting the heavy skirt of my dress, the tail flaring out behind me as I run. I pick my way between neat little flower beds, the fireworks lighting my way towards the sea, and towards my freedom. My face is soaked and the tendrils of my hair allow the rain to flow in little rivulets down my face. Tears and rain, I don’t know which is which but it doesn’t really matter because both are my own creation.
I fling myself against the glass railing. Below it lies a sheer cliff, and the beach! Poseidon is whipping up the sea. I need to get there! I look desperately around me. To my left are the stone stairs which descend the cliff to the beach The steps are small and narrow and clumps of wild capers and herbs growing in their cracks take up precious space. I kick off my high heels and lurch down the steps but my dress becomes entangled in the shrubbery. I pull at it, without stopping, but I can’t tear it lose and it pulls me back so I fall over. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I pull at the fabric with a strength I didn’t know I had, until I hear the ripping sound that sets me free. I keep going, with all the strength I can muster and I feel as everything inside me is contracting. The rain gets stronger still, pouring down in sheets. I don’t know how many tiny steps I have raced down so far, they seem to be countless as they wind their way in a tight zig-zag down the sheer cliff face, but as the sand of the little beach comes into sight, I speed up. At the bottom of the steps, a thick tree root, hidden in the dark, catches my foot and I fall, face first, into the sand, the heavy necklace I am wearing digging into my neck and chest. Feeling it restricting my breathing, I slip my fingers between the golden rows, threaded with rubies, and savagely tear it from my neck. Spitting sand, I rub the dust from my face and eyes. My grandmother’s locket has popped out from where I had concealed it in my dress and in the sand in front of me are the two halves of the orchid which Orestis had pinned in my hair. I grab them in my fist, preparing to fling them with all my might into the sea, but something stops me. “You’re my other half”. AsI remember his words, I can’t help crying out as I hold them to my cheek, tears pouring down my face. I just can’t bring myself to throw them to the bottom of the sea, where they belong…
“Dorothy,” I hear Orestis’ voice and I jump. Immediately lightning rips the sky in two. I see him standing, oddly petrified, at the bottom of the stairs. Τhe once terrifying Orestis is now terrified himself.
“Go away,” I scream at him through my tears.
“Please come here. Whatever it is, we can work it out, together,” he pleads.
“That’s what you’re not understanding! I don’t want to be together! You are cold and domineering, and you scare me,” I shout wildly at him.
“I scare you? Have you any idea how much you scare me?” he admits, raising his voice slightly as he comes towards me. “You don’t let me near you. Every time I try, you run away. Ever since I met you all you do is build walls between us,” he continues, stepping slowly towards me.
“Let you near me? All you care about is your stupid experiment and the power that I could give you. That’s all I am to you, a dumb object that has the ability to empower you even more.”
“Is that really how you see yourself? Why can’t you see that you are so much more than that? You have this magical ability to totally consume me and you move me to the point where I lose control of my senses. But your behavior forces me to act in ways I never would so that I can do what’s right. You and me, together, we are what’s right ,” he’s now standing right over me and then he kneels down so his eyes are level with mine. “I want the other girl back. The one I fell in love with, at first sight, that day in the school corridor.”
“Stop it! Just stop it, do you hear? Stop playing with me!” I spit at him and I reach round to the back of my dress to pull out Aris’ letter. The folded bit of paper has almost dissolved in the rain. Orestis grabs me by the arm and the letter falls into the sand but he doesn’t notice it.
“Is that what you think I’m doing? You think I’m playing with you?”
“I don’t think it, I know it!”
“So why, then, didn’t you get rid of these?” he asks, nodding towards the orchid halves I am still holding in my hand. I stare back at him defiantly but I don’t have an answer that question.
“You know very well why you kept them. Don’t pretend otherwise. I can see it every time I stand a little too close to you, and every time you accidentally touch me” he growls, sliding his palm up my forearm, and watching with satisfaction as the little hairs rise at his touch. He’s only a hair’s breadth away from me, now, and his voice becomes suddenly sensual. “Fuck, I can feel it right now. Your heart is fluttering, like it does every time. You’re trembling, but not out of fear, and your thighs are clenched underneath that horrendous dress. Your scent changes too. You drive me crazy, do you understand that?” he purrs and before I realize it, he has his hand in my hair, forcing my face into his, and his lips into mine. I push back at him with all my strength but he’s too strong for me. He forces my lips open with his. “You are mine,” he pants, as his breath and tongue fill my mouth with heat, and I hear myself moaning deeply. The flowers fall from my hand and the explosion I knew was coming finally happens, but not in the way I had expected. He kisses me with passion and I respond with equal force as he devours every inch of my face, sucking hungrily at my skin. His fingers dig into my back, my arms, my hair, and I lose all control of my breathing. He runs his lips down my neck, and I cling onto him as he lifts me into the air, wrapping my legs around his waist, forcing back the mounds of fabric of the skirt of my dress. He kisses me deeply and my whole body sings. I want him. I want him so much! The dream that I had is coming to life and I am lost to this moment. I kiss him violently, biting his lips, his tongue. He belongs to me and I to him. There can be nobody else, there never was, and there never will be. He was so right: It’s not up to me whether I like him or not! This attraction is something beyond my control. It is animalistic and instinctive and there is no point in fighting it. I slide my hands from his chest into the shoulders of his jacket, removing it, discarding it in the sand. I nose the smattering of hair at the opening of his shirt and he slowly undoes the top buttons as I remain admiring his broad, masculine chest.
He smiles at me and strokes my head with his palm. I feel a thrill rush through me as he yanks my dress off my shoulders and I wrestle with the sleeves to help him undress me. My breasts spring forth and he cups them in his hands, squeezing them together, taking them both in his mouth. As he sucks at them hungrily I let my head drop back and a moan escapes my lips. My whole body is trembling from the sensation of his mouth on the tender skin of my breasts.
He licks and sucks and bites at each one in turn until I drag his head up to my face and his lips greedily find mine once more.
“Say it. I want to hear you say it,” he moans and I become even more excited.
“I belong to you.”
“And I to you. Do you see it, now? Is this what you needed for you to finally understand?”
Scrape My Pencil By Amanda Hazapis 